did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
