dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
