U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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