Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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