girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
