haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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