At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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