i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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