You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
