She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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