I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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