At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
