this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
