I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
