That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
