She is in my trunk
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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