so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
