Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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