Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize