A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
