the condom got lost in my hair
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
