bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
