he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
