that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
