We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
