Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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