he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
