Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
