you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
