Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
