when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
