Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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