My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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