Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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