I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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