I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
