Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize