maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
