STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
