yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
