U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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