her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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