She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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