My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
