I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
