it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
