She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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