Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
