Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize