I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
