Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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