im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
