I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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