Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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