I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
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If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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