I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
