I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
