please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
