sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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