Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
