hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
