so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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