sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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