There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
