I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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