Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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