I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
