Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
